Or is the problem my pelvic floor? When people critique the book on literary grounds, or on the basis that it legitimises domestic abuse, they are wilfully stopping their ears to It makes them feel uncomfortable, squeamish. They could say, "Female sexuality makes me uncomfortable" but they don't. Instead, there is a snotty remark, a raised eyebrow. And this denial brings home the striking truth of Bergner's thesis: These two hand grenades of his — that female sexuality is rigorously denied whenever it crops up; and that female sexual urges might be even more potent than men's — will not land lightly on this terrain.
To get back to Bergner's monkeys, he writes about the rhesus community at the Emory University primate observatory , studied by psychologist Kim Wallen. Bergner, a New York Times writer who has spent much of the past decade interviewing sex researchers and evaluating their work, discovered some surprising developments in the primate world.
When I spoke to him, he explained how traditional theories of female passivity have been turned on their head: For so long, almost to a humorous extent, we have looked right past the truth; which is that the females are leaving their young, they're objectifying their mates, they're the agents of desire.
By now we had pulled out of Stockwell station. My boyfriend was silent until we reached the next stop. Is it on our actual wedding day?
A woman of 43, who has been married 10 years, told me, "Just before I married, I was reading an advice column in GQ. A guy had written in, saying, 'I'm about to get married. How do I face a lifetime of sex with the same person?
Sometimes you won't shag at all. Sometimes you'll shag all the time. Leaving the wilds, and choosing captivity. I don't see marriage like that, but that's because I'm doing it in a different order. We've been together nine years and we have two children five and three ; they're the lock-in clause. I'm aware, nevertheless, of the asymmetry of expectation within a marriage, that husbands are meant to chafe at the bit, while wives are supposed not to notice it. It seems so obvious that this convention has built up to soothe male anxiety, I'm amazed by how surprised men are to find that it might not be true.
And when I finally had a finished manuscript, I gave it to a couple of married male friends, one of whom said, 'This is a cause for deep concern' and the other said, 'This scares the bejesus out of me. I imagine it's like meeting your wife at 4am in the saloon bar of life. If you're here, who's minding the farm? Bergner admits laconically, "There have been moments when I've looked over at my long-term girlfriend and thought, 'For how much longer am I going to be the recipient of your desire?
How can you not have this conversation, this exploration, constantly, with the person who's across from you at dinner and next to you in bed? But, no, I don't think she thinks of it as a threat. I think she laughs at me, because maybe she takes just a slight glimmer of pleasure in how threatened I feel. So I was thinking the male equivalent of that line, "Behind every beautiful woman, there's a man who's bored with sleeping with her", wondering whether that's true of Cooper. Except, of course, that saying has no male equivalent.
In the world in which such sayings are forged, women never get bored; only men get bored. Ergo, men have affairs and women simply lose that appetite.
One of the questions Bergner poses is whether or not the search for female Viagra is really a quest for a medical solution to monogamy. Which is an amusing thought: There are obvious reasons for these choices, however: The maternal ideal is this indomitable force of stability that we can lean on.
You know, it's the New York mayoral race at the moment. We're not threatened by his anarchic, out-of-control sexuality. Infidelity highlights the potential fragility of our closest and most important of relationships. Pour en savoir plus: We all want the same things in a partner, but why?
But despite the blunt belief infidelity is the result of immoral and over-sexed individuals wanting their cake and eating it too, the reality is far more nuanced. For instance, infidelity is rarely just about sex. However, this rate increases to around a third of couples when you include emotional infidelity.
Without the necessary skills to heal the issues, a partner may engage in an affair as an ill-equipped way of attempting to have their needs fulfilled — whether these be for intimacy, to feel valued, to experience more sex, and so on. So, the straying partner views an alternative relationship as a better way to meet these needs than their existing relationship.
Studies into why people cheat are many and varied. Some find people who lack traits such as agreeableness and conscientiousness are more likely to be sexually promiscuous, as are those higher in neurotic and narcissistic traits.
Those low on these measures appear more likely to have an affair. Recent work suggests one of the biggest predictors of having an affair is having strayed before. Why you might want to rethink monogamy in People need to invest time and energy into their relationships. While some couples report additional reasons, which can include a greater desire for sex, the majority speak to issues that reside either within the couple or outside the relationship.
But the secret only perpetuates the betrayal. If one is serious about mending their existing relationship, then disclosure is necessary, along with seeking professional guidance to support the couple through the turbulent period towards recovery.
What the evolution of jealousy tells us about online infidelity. Most relationship therapists suggest issues around infidelity can be improved through therapy. But they also report infidelity as one of the most difficult issues to work with when it comes to rebuilding a relationship.
There are various evidence-based approaches to dealing with infidelity, but most acknowledge the act can be experienced as a form of trauma by the betrayed person, who has had their fundamental assumptions about their partner violated. These include trust and the belief that the partner is there to provide love and security rather than inflict hurt. Research has found that, when the affair is revealed, both partners can experience mental health issues including anxiety, depression and thoughts of suicide.
There can also be an increase in emotional and physical violence within the couple. So a couple should seek professional help to deal with the aftermaths of an affair, not only to possibly heal their relationship but also for their own psychological well-being.... Read more from Women. From the book Victoria the Queen by Julia Baird. Albert did not record his views on sex, but it is clear that he satisfied his wife. Although I'm incredibly sexual, I don't have "romantic feelings". Many specialist online dating services or other websites, known as "adult personals" or "adult matching" sites, cater to people looking for a purely sexual relationship without emotional attachments. He clasped me in his arms, and we kissed each other again and again!